I'm My Worst Client

Since starting my program, I play the game of "what would I tell myself if I was my client" a lot.

I've come to the conclusion I hope I never have a client like me.

I'm all about letting go of things you can't control. And in 90% of my life, I would say I excel at that philosophy.

But there are certain things. Certain texts I wish someone would send. Certain calls I wish someone would make. Certain words I wish someone would say.

And no matter how much I ask the universe for those things, I can't control them.

I know this, and yet I still have to intentionally shut down those thoughts more often than I would like.

I'm craving a little direction today. A little "here is what you should do and here is what you should feel." A little "I'm here and you didn't have to ask."

Wanting someone to be there and being unwilling to ask for it is one of my least favorite traits in a person. And yet on some days, I find that philosophy dominating my thoughts.

I try to think about whether or not it is realistic to be willing to let go of things I can't control all of the time, or if I would tell myself (as a client) that a 90% is pretty OK and it's normal to feel this way sometimes.

Where does being kind and gentle to yourself end and self-indulgence begin?