Looking back on things, as this time of year is so wont to make one do, I notice a pattern in my life. Some of the most important decisions and moments in my life were the ones I made without thinking very much-that were made even when they were confusing and were more like jumping backwards off a cliff than carefully choosing which door to open.
Let me give a few examples. April 2008. Texting (future) best friend to say I'm not ok and need help. I barely knew him before that. And after that, he was sealed as my life partner.
May 2009. "I've decided to stop ignoring my urge to sleep with women." Looking back, I remember so LITTLE of my thought process. Just that I did it.
January 2010. Let me just go ahead and move to the UK for six months and see what happens. What happened was amazingly difficult lessons, beautiful friendships, and a whole lot of healing.
November 2010. I'm going to get an MSW.
January 2011. I'm going to become a doula.
November 2012. I'm going to leave someone that loves me fiercely and is never short on compliments. Leave someone who made me feel secure in being loved.
My New Year's Resolution is to "stop forcing situations to be things they aren't." I'm trying to stop wondering when the next backwards jump is coming, and let it just happen when it does.
Let things happen as they will.
Let them happen.
Just...let them.
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